Peace at Home. Peace in the World

I was looking at my blog and realized that it had been more than half a year since my last entry. (oops).

Let me give you all, for those who read, an update on my life since then. Since then I have attended two weddings. The first being that of a friend from high school. The second being my brother, Ames' wedding. Both were enjoy and resulted in different things. The first wedding resulted in meeting and making a new friend. A man named Steven. The second wedding resulted in me being invited by my brother, Adam, and his wife, Ariella, to stay with them for a time period.

Within 2 weeks I was off to Odenton, Maryland. Since being here I have experienced pain, frustration, emptiness, joy, and, at times, happiness. So it was pretty much like life anywhere. I started a job at a sporting goods store. I made amazing new friends. Received and delivered heartbreaks. Most importantly, I realized what I need to do.

At the beginning of February, I will be moving back to Utah. If everything works itself out the way I hope, I will be residing in Orem. What brought me to this decision? I noticed that when I live with another person, I do many things wrong. I fall into an awful routine. I become helpless. Instead of being a help, I become a burden. Why was this happening? I do not give excuses. But I realized what needed to happen; I need to live on my own and become dependent upon myself. I wasn't at peace with myself, therefore I wasn't able to create peace elsewhere. I've resolved that doing so is the best thing for me.

Peace with Oneself
Since this past summer I developed some habits that are very harmful. I was not thinking with a straight mind. I was distant to almost everyone. I fell ill and was sick for close to a month. What I felt during those months have repeated, not in a physical form, but spiritual. I was distant with my Heavenly Father. This resulted in Him being distant with me. I only recently discovered what was missing from my life. Because I wasn't at peace with my Maker, I could not be at peace with myself. So I am determined to do just that. Be at peace with my Father in Heaven. Thus, creating peace with my body, mind, and spirit.

"Peace at Home. Peace in the World" Mustafa Kemal Atatürk did not lie. In order to have peace with everything that is around us, we must first be at peace with ourselves.

Be Healthy. Be Happy

Over the last couple of weeks I have seen a side of me that I thought I would never see again. I saw myself as a piece of lard. It's true. I saw myself as fat, ugly, putrid, hideous, everything! I wouldn't wear a certain shirt or pair of jeans because I didn't want to see my monstrous form that was developing. I didn't understand. I was working out and eating healthy. I finally found what was making me see this image whenever I looked in the mirror. It was myself.

Woman have been known for picking themselves apart to fit the "pretty", "gorgeous", "beautiful" category. I do it all the time and I know that I'm not alone on this mind set. Once realized though, that's exactly what it is, a mind set. Your own thoughts are destroying yourself. This hurt me more than someone making rude comments about my body. I was hurting myself and I wasn't doing anything to stop it. Then I remembered something from an enrichment activity about a month ago. It was about physical health, but also, it was about spiritual health. Adding those two things together created a wide-variety of thoughts that I had forgotten.

Let me say something that rings with truth.
Happiness is our heritage yes?
Happiness is the ultimate thing that Satan will never know again.
There are other things that Satan will never know: having a family (I will get to that subject at another time) and having a human, mortal body.
Two of the main things that are being attacked and have been attacked and will continue to be attacked for years to come.

Satan puts images out into the world that he know will make us, women and men, dislike ourselves. For some that dislike can lead to hatred, pain, waste of money and time, and may even lead some to death. Satan wants us to dislike ourselves. He wants us to trash one of the most spectacular gifts that Heavenly Father has given us. He wants us to destroy our temples with thoughts of hatred and repulsion.

There is one thing however that helps me. I start to pray sincerely to Heavenly Father and tell Him the things that I'm grateful for about my body. I read my scriptures and remember that I was made after His image. I don't hate my Heavenly Father, in fact, I'm far from hate when it comes to describing my feelings for Him. Why should I tear my body apart, my body that was made to the likeliness of Heavenly Father, a being whom I love with all my heart and soul. Why? I no reason to. Heavenly Father gave this body to me. It was a gift from my Father. It is my responsibility to care for it. It is not my responsibility to mock it. Yes I will care for my body with all my ability, but I will have to strive to love it with all my might.

"I'm gonna take a deep breath.
Gonna hold my head up.
Gonna put my shoulders back,
and look you straight in the eye.
...
I believe I have inside of me
everything that I need to live a bountiful life.
With all the love alive in me
I'll stand as the tallest tree.
And I'm thankful for every day that I'm given,
both the easy and hard ones I'm livin'.
But most of all
I'm thankful for loving who I really am.
I'm beautiful,
yes, I'm beautiful.
And I'm here."

I know who I truly am. I am a Child of God. Because I know that I love myself and will love myself. "I'm beautiful, yes, I'm beautiful" and I will show the love I have for myself and for Heavenly Father.

Running

As some may know I HATE to run.
My reasons:
1. My body is doing the same thing over and over again... boring
2. My knees have a hard time bending after wards (not a good sign)
3. I can easily get distracted. My eyes start to wonder and see things other than my goal, which is to finish my workout

But I've discovered that there is a way for me to LOVE running... it has to be raining. Whenever it is raining I have the need and feeling to run. I'm able to push myself beyond my capacity if it was any other form of weather. I don't know what it is exactly but water has that effect on me. When I'm in it, whether it be a pool, ocean, lake, or rain, I feel so alive.

Not only that but I love to get wet and be completely soaked and tired after wards :)

Once a sunny Sunday morning

This past Sunday I was given the chance to give a talk in Sacrament Meeting.

Now a little history in this specific subject. The weekend before Easter (General Conference weekend) I had an impression that I would be giving a talk in church soon. I thought to myself, "OK, I'm good that. I'll just wait 'til the Bishop or someone talks to me about it." Well the night of the 5th of April at Ward Prayer, the second counselor of the Bishopric said, "I need three volunteers who would be willing to give talks in church next Sunday." All the impressions that I had that weekend suddenly pressed on me. I was about to completely ignore that feeling when I shot my arm up and became a volunteer to give a talk. Brother Bouck then told us that we, the volunteers, would be speaking about Easter...

The entire week it pounded on me what I should specifically speak about. So Saturday I sat down for hours and just started writing. I wrote about 3 pages and it took my most of the day :/ I wasn't necessarily sure about it but I had written all that came to mind. Then came Sunday. . .

I found out I was the second speaker, which made me very happy since I love going second :) Before I walked up to sit on the stand I was quite scared, which is really unlike me. I sat down, made it through the opening song, prayer, announcements, sacrament... then came the first speaker. Things starting flooding into my mind. I pulled out my pen and jotted them down.

"Amen."

It was my turn. I got up there and was freaking out! I was shaking. I'm thinking to myself, "What the crap is wrong with me?! Get a hold of yourself! Just start talking. . . "
I did just that. I said about 3 things that I had actually prepared a head of time. I wasn't even making since to myself. Things were just spilling out my mouth. At one time I even, very quietly, said to myself, "I have no idea what to say." Finally I just baring my testimony of this church. I don't even know exactly what I said but feelings were given thoughts, thoughts were given words, and the words were given a voice.

What I truly remember from this experience is not the words said but the physical feeling during which I gave it. I was at first shaking and clutching my fists to contain myself, shuffling back and forth on my feet. Then I was speechless when I tried to say what I wanted to say. Then I finally just let myself go. I showed my soul to the congregation that Sunday for those few minutes. Then for a few moments I felt at peace and happy that I said what Heavenly Father wanted me to say; not what I wanted to say at the beginning, but what my Father in Heaven wanted me to say.

Of course once I was done I had no idea what I had actually said or if it made any sense but I felt so relieved once it was over. Those few moments of peace that I felt were the beginning of a good day. What a wonderful Easter it was :)

Arise and Shine Forth

A song that has become one of my favorites over the last year and has seen me through those ruff patches of my past is one that not only uplifts me but inspires me to do wondrous things in my life. This song is Arise and Shine Forth. Many probably know it from the Christmas musical The Forgotten Carols. The collaboration of the gospel technique and message behind is so profound to me. The lyrics touch the deepest, darkest moments of my heart and turn them towards someone that will forever hold me and welcome me.

He did not come in Glory
When He first came to earth
And most the world ignored His humble birth
But the Heavens were singing
In celestial harmony
And a star guided some souls to their knees
Those with ears to hear and eyes to see
And the miracles followed
But the skeptics believed
They were lies spread by those who'd been decieved
With an appetite for power
They mocked every word He said
While the ones truly hungering, He fed
Those who hungered after righteousness He fed
And the light that He gave
Was to lift and to save
And the burdens that He came to bare
Are the ones we can carry and need to share
I give thanks for His sweetness
I have faith in His power
And I know He'll strive with me every hour
For He suffered in darkness
Kneeling in Gethsemane
So the light of His love could shine on me
So the light of His love could shine through me
Arise!
Arise!
Arise!
Arise!
Let's all of us arise!
Arise!
Brothers and sisters arise
Arise and shine forth
Let us add to the flame
That burns brightly in hearts that bare His name
And this torch that's a standard
For the nations all to see
Is the light of the world shining through me
We are standing for something
Prayerful in all things
Comforting those that mourn
We are gathering Zion
We can rely on His refuge from this storm
We are strengthened on every side
In the light that we cannot hide
We are united
Spirits ignited
Feeling the fire inside
Arise!
Let us add to the flame
That burns brightly in hearts that bare His name
And this torch that's a standard
For the nations all to see
Is the light of the world that shines in you and me
It's the light of the world shining through me

One thing that is so easy for me to recognize in this song is the truth and spirit that floods out of it and pores itself into my soul. We are to arise, stand together, united, ignited, and shine our spirits and love to others and the world. Jesus Christ is the light and it is our duty to bare His name. To be an example of the believers (1 Timothy 4:12). We are not only representing the believers but we are also representing that who we believe in, Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. Shall we not reach for the torch that He has placed within each of us and allow it to shine in front of the world? Shall we not join in in such a cause as to arise and shine for what we believe in?

Working Out

So basically I love working out. I do my best to work out for at least an hour 6 days out of the week. I will admit that I don't always make that goal... when I don't I feel awful! But that a different tangent. Now you may ask: Why does Alyssa love working out? What motivates her to keep on going (and going and going . . . )? How can she endure it? The answers... I love the sweat, the burn, the heavy breathing, the pain, the soreness the next day, the adrenalin, the feeling, and the results :)

The Sweat= I got my body hot enough that it needed to be cooled off
The Burn= I'm working my body past regular walking, lifting, etc.
The heavy breathing= My heart rate is high enough to where I'm almost out of breath
The pain= I'm pushing my body past my standard level (comes after burn for me) of physical activity
The soreness= I "feel" like I was able to create some sort of change in my body
The adrenalin= Just thinking about it I get psyched out and all pumped up... imagine me after wards
The feeling= I actually feel good about myself remembering that I try to take care of my body
The results= It's wonderful to go from large arms due to fat to large arms due to muscular growth. To go from having a very noticeable "pot belly" to having flatter toned abs.

So basically I just love working out. My body loves it. My mind loves it. I love it. Pain and all!

Weekend in Happy Valley

So this weekend I had the opportunity to go down to Provo twice! Although it ate up my gas like none other, I still had a blast!

Friday

Watched The Office,
Danced the night away,
Belted Since U Been Gone in the parking lot,
All done with two awesome girls named Lisa Young and Ruth Turnbow!
And watched The School of Rock at "The Red Door"
Went to bed at 3

Saturday
Had a delicious taco type dinner
Saw Chess. . .
Ate at Spoon Me for the first time :)
Saw a random guy dressed up as The Joker
All done on a blind date
Went to bed at 2

Even though it wasn't that busy, I still had a fun filled weekend!